NEWSLETTER, June & July 2003 EDITION
Celebration Time
Life Application Ministries celebrated its 7th year anniversary. In June of 1996, I sat at my computer and the Lord inspired me to begin this ministry. He came up with the name right there on the spot too, Life Application Ministries (L.A.M.). I had no idea what I was going to be doing; after all, I was still sick and having problems myself. Who was I to even help another? Well, He had big plans. As I sat at my computer writing a journal, it turned into a book called "A Matter of the Mind." To begin with, I started out by inviting a few people from church to attend a luncheon at my home, and then I began holding meetings every few months. I didn’t think this was exactly what I was supposed to be doing, but I didn’t know what else there was. I knew in my heart I wanted a ministry that impacted people’s lives forever. I didn’t want to put on a "feel good" meeting, where people had a great time but without real change. As I began praying about this, I met Pastor Henry Wright; a Pastor from Pleasant Valley Church in Thomaston, Georgia, who was teaching at a nearby church.
What he taught was exactly what I needed for myself and what I knew others needed. This was what I was looking for, because after that meeting I had begun a real transformation from that moment on. I knew if it could happen for me, it could happen for others. I now have the ministry I’ve prayed for. One that impacts and changes people’s lives forever, equipping them to do the same for others, not to mention gaining my own emotional stability.
So it is time to celebrate, because for the past five years, (the first two years were holding meetings without the impact it now has) many have been on their way to being set free from their bondage. I say, "On their way" because what I do is help people get unstuck and able to continue their walk with the Lord with power! Now I continue holding quarterly 3-day retreats at my home, conduct seminars on going, and provide ministry teaching via the web, phone and email. I still work full-time for the state as a statewide trainer, which also keeps my days pretty full.
I held a retreat in my home in June, a group of ladies from one family came from the Redding area, (one lady drove down from Washington state to join her family in Redding), one lady flew in from San Antonio Texas, and three ladies came from Sacramento. This retreat that was simply amazing. We also baptized three ladies in the Cosumnes River. It was truly a blessing. (Pictures are available on the Website under the Newsletter for this month.)
It was such an honor to once again be a vessel used of God to help others find the freedom they were looking for. Many began seeing clearly why they are in their situation. Many even saw immediate results in their attitudes and feelings. They are well on their way to complete freedom, and have what they need to share with others. An interesting thing about the group of ladies from Redding, they’ve asked me to do a meeting at their family reunion in August! What a tremendous opportunity for a family to become whole and healed from past hurts and wounds! I’m looking forward to what God has in store for that family.
Another date to celebrate is July 27th. It’s our 14th Wedding Anniversary! Can hardly believe it’s been 14 years. Why it only seems like a week ago that we got married. It has been truly a blessing. I know that from my past experience (I was married 9 years to my x-husband) it seemed like a thousand years. There is a real difference when the time flies like this—it means we are thoroughly happy. I have enjoyed being married to Tom; it’s been great. He has told me time and time again how much he’s enjoyed being married to me.
If I were asked what makes our marriage successful, I would have to say it is in knowing that Tom loves me, unconditionally. How do I know it? Because he has never once tried to change me! It hasn’t been so with me because I’m a natural controller so my tendencies were to change him, but I did get a revelation on that, and when I stopped trying to change him (into what I’ll never know), we had peace. Tom has never harped on me about what I do wrong, how to do it right, none of that. He has told me that when he sees something he wished was different in me, he prays and leaves it with God. Then he tells me that I end up changing in that area. There are times we do talk, he does make suggestions from time to time, but they are always done with patience and understanding.
There is another thing that has caused our marriage to be successful. I can tell him anything without fear . What I mean by "without fear" is I can share my day without feeling like I’m intruding on him, or in fear of how he'll respond to me, or if he'll retaliate, or worry about what he'll say or do. I can be "me" at all times without fear I'm going to do something wrong. I think that is huge. Many wives live in fear not able to really communicate with their husbands because they are not sure how their husbands will respond and are afraid of that response. Not so with Tom, some of you who know me know of many instances where I’ve told Tom some horrific things, yet he only loved me through it all. I not only see his love, I feel it. I love him too, but the truth is, when a man loves a woman, the woman will love the man back, without fear, which causes the relationship between them both to grow. I don’t understand it, but I realized that when I tried to love someone else first, it never worked out. But Tom loved me first, and then I responded to his love, that brought me into a deeper relationship with him. It reminds me of our Lord. "We love Him because He first loved us." We couldn’t even love God first! He had to love us first before we could love Him back, without fear.
Let me tell a story that happened a few days ago. We had gone someplace earlier that day and we were both pretty tired from that outing, not to mention it was about 90 degrees outside. We drove past a neighbor's property where a road was cut down to the river. We had always wanted to go check it out, so when we got home from our outing, I said, "Let’s take the 4-wheel drive down the road and check it out." Tom was very tired, but he too wanted to check it out, so we jumped in his truck and off we went.
We began the climb down, and believe me, it was a 4-wheel vehicle type of road. We got to the bottom and it cut to the right very sharply. The truck didn’t quite make the cut, and he was heading off the side of the road. And by the way, there were cliffs on both sides of this little dirt road. I wasn’t sure what to do as I sat there. So I decided to get out of the truck and assess it. Of course truthfully, I didn’t want to go over the edge!!! So Tom was sitting in there, sweat pouring off his face, his foot on the break and asks me to turn the 4-wheel knobs to "lock" on the tires. Of course, I didn’t know what he was talking about so he asked me to step on the break while he changed them. (The emergency break didn’t work.) So he gets back in the truck and was able to maneuver it out of that jam. All he said in the whole ordeal was, "This is a fine predicament to get out of." When we finally got the truck turned around and back to the safety of our own driveway, I looked at him with total amazement. I said, "You didn’t even get mad at me." He said, "Why would I get mad at you? I told him because I made the suggestion to go down there. He told me that there was no reason to get mad at me. He didn’t blame me; he didn’t make a big deal out of it. He handled it in patience and peace. I get tears in my eyes even thinking about this because of his love to me is so great! It makes me love him even more, if that were possible! This is just one account, a recent one that truly amazes me about Tom. It’s these kinds of things that keep our marriage alive and well.
God has been truly faithful. He’s shown Himself through our relationship with each other, and it’s because of our relationship with Him (God) that we could have such a great relationship with each other. I had to experience God’s love for me personally before I could give it to Tom correctly. And of course, Tom has experienced God's love for him personally too otherwise he couldn't love me as he does.
So there you have it, a couple of secrets to our success!
Another test to pass:
It seems that the more I ask God to change me, the more tests I get to take. See, I had prayed some time ago that I wanted Him to change the way I reacted to people who instructed me or corrected me. I find myself instantly responding negatively, yet later, I would be sorry and wonder why I acted that way. So I asked Him to change me in that area. And of course, with every change is a process, and in that process are obstacles to overcome, and then a final test. Let me share some of the things I had to go through along these lines in finding out why I acted like this.
My husband asked me if I knew how to turn off the car radio. This particular radio will turn off, but there’s a message that runs across the screen of it even if the radio is off. I responded with, "Yes." He said, "You know how to take off the message?" I didn’t say anything, and he showed me. I said, "I knew that." But I didn’t. Then after he showed me, and after I stopped being so obstinate, I said, "Thanks for showing me how to do that." That’s all I had to say in the first place. But I felt a need to make myself look like OK by telling him I knew already. Why is that? I think it’s because if I didn’t do it right in the first place and know it, I was less than a person and would be rejected. It’s all about rejection.
Here is another test I got to take that I didn’t pass very well on. During my recent seminar I was showing something on a white board, and one of the ladies said, "That music stand is in the way." I said, "Oh, I was going to move that." Truthfully, I didn’t even notice. As a matter of fact, I was a bit offended (for a second) when she brought it to my attention, not offended at her but mad at me for not seeing that in the first place. I wasn't doing things "perfectly." But why did I have to say that I was going to move it when I wasn’t? Why couldn’t I just say, "Oh, sorry, here I’ll move it." It’s because I didn’t want to look like I did anything wrong!!!!!!!!! I didn’t want to "look" bad or be rejected.
So, since I didn’t pass the "attitude" test, I get to keep taking them. Monday morning came around and I had something happen at work. I was totally embarrassed in front of co-workers and felt worthless because of how I acted. The more I tried to explain and justify my actions, the worse things got!
Then I went out at lunchtime, with tears in my eyes, saying, "I will not lose my peace. I take my peace right now." Then I began confessing my sin, and then forgave the lady. I knew that I couldn’t say any more because I had already made a mess. So I then thanked the Lord for fixing my mess. I didn’t know what was to come out of it, but I said this to God, "Father, this is an opportunity to let go and let you work this out." And sure enough, that’s what happened. It was HARD to go through, the pain was real, but when I chose to exercise forgiveness toward this woman and myself, and trust God to restore, my peace was restored.
Then finally, I asked the Lord why I acted this way. Why couldn’t I just say, "Thanks for pointing that out?" No, I have to act like I knew what they were talking about in the first place and that I was going to "do" the thing they suggested.
He reminded me of the prayer I prayed – asking him to change the way I respond to people. He told me that I don’t want to be rejected, and that there is an element of the fear of man in there too. The bottom line is "What I must have looked like to others." Fear of what people think. He’s getting deeper into my life and purging every little thing that is not of Him. I am grateful to Him for that, but sometimes it takes me some time to realize what He is doing. It usually is a result of something I asked Him to do that I forgot about. It’s like someone praying for patience, then the tests come and we begin to say, "What is happening to me?" He’s only giving you what we asked for.
Then something very interesting happened. One of the ladies that attended the retreat at my house (works with me) had almost the exact same things happen to her. It was about rejection. She was also trying to fix, explain, and defend her reputation, but the more she did, the worse things got. She was about to respond again, when I shared my experience with her. Within minutes, she was at peace, and we both decided we weren’t going to defend our reputation, but "Take Our Peace", forgive the person(s) and ourselves, and live our lives.
This is what "Walking the talk" is all about. My ministry is based on Love and Forgiveness. Boy, did I get to take a series of "Pop quizzes" on this one. I have to say I didn’t pass them with an A, but I did pass the test of taking it to God and trusting Him with it, even though it would have been nice if I would have done it BEFORE I got myself in this mess. So, I'm sure I'll get to take the tests again to see if I do any better.
My encouragement to you is that when something happens and you respond by trying to make yourself look good, then you are still dealing with "rejection and fear of man." We find all kinds of ways to uphold our reputation, justify why we did the thing and so on. But the truth is, God allowed this to happen, in both my friend’s life, and me because He wants to cleanse the junk within us causing us to respond incorrectly. I had prayed for God to cleanse my heart from responding incorrectly when people correct me, but totally forgot about it. Well, I got to take the test the next day, and you know the story from there.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we all have to go through things. Even when we have been set free from things because there is always "something" that we need to be cleansed from. I believe this will be so until the day we are taken home to be with Him. This is called, "Christian Reality." The Lord is sanctifying us so that when he comes back, He finds us without spot or blemish.
Heart to Heart
Have you ever wondered what it means to, "Believe in your heart?" How does a heart believe, it’s a muscle. Our heart is "Who we believe we are, and what we believe we can do." Our heart is our spirit. It’s where we live. The following scriptures come to mind, "Out of the heart, the man believes," "Out of the heart flows the issues of life," and "Out of the heart a man speaks." I don’t ever see it saying, "Out of the mind, a man speaks." Our mind is the place of decisions. It’s the battleground. It’s the place where the tempter comes. If he gets your mind, he can have your heart.
It’s important to pay attention to what you are thinking—at ALL times. The bible says in II Corinthians 10:5 to "Cast down imaginations, and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ." I can’t stress enough how this one little principle will save your life. If we are pro-active in our thoughts, our heart will remain clean! It becomes sinful when we take the thought, and begin to "believe" it. Then it becomes ours—and now we’ve defiled our heart. Then from our heart come our actions. We wonder why we do the things we do, we’ve allowed it.
I suppose the bottom line is to start walking in truth. That means to speak the truth and to BELIEVE the truth. I discovered, and it was reaffirmed today from a friend of mine who does a radio program, when we live in lies, fear will always be present, but when we walk in truth, peace and love will always be present. That feels good just saying it! Say it out loud yourself and see the difference within your spirit (heart).
Every problem, every sin, every situation always, always, always starts in our minds. If we can nip it there before it goes any further, we have just saved our self a lot of headache and pain.
This does take time and practice because we have been use to doing whatever comes into our mind without weighing the thought out to see if it’s friend or foe. Yes, every thought!! But let me tell you some good news, after awhile, you won’t have to be so cautious any more because you begin to live the truth. It’s just at first it seems overwhelming because of all the "junk" that’s been in there speaking to you for so many years. It’s time for you to take back your mind! It’s yours, none others, and you have the power to win every battle that begins there.
Practical Application
How do I know what the sin is?
Have you had anything happen in your life that you knew was wrong but just couldn’t pin point what the sin is behind it? Well, I have, and it’s been very encouraging to know that even in those things we don’t know, God is more than able to reveal them to us.
I’ll share with you an example of this. I had been thinking something that I knew was wrong. Some days that thought would never enter my head, and then all of a sudden, there it was. I would cast it down, as I shared in the previous article, it would leave, but only to return another time. I didn't quite understand as this had been going on for years!
I know from my own teaching—I even listen to myself—when something keeps coming up in my mind to tempt me, it means there is something still in me that the enemy has access to. Since I decided to take action against this thought and was serious about it, I prayed this prayer: "Lord, I don’t know why I keep thinking that one thought over and over, I know it is wrong. I have repented, I have asked for help, I’ve confessed generational sins, etc., and I don’t know what is left. I do know from my own teaching that there must be something in me that is allowing this thought free reign to my mind. What is it Lord?" Then as I waited, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. "You are thinking more highly of yourself than you ought to think." I can receive this from God with joy, because one thing I know about myself is that it’s not "me" that thinks wrongly, it’s what’s "in" me. So the "thing" in me was exercising pride and self-exaltation. Once I discovered this, the enemy was exposed and had no more power over me. As long as I didn’t "know" what it was, it played havoc in my life. Then as that was revealed, other sins begin to come to the surface such as comparing and competition. But the underling below all these manifestations was the "unloving spirit". This is also known as the anti-Christ spirit. The spirit that prevents us from not being able to give love nor receive love without fear is an anti-Christ spirit. (Christ represents love, and the lack of it is due to the unloving spirit). I was in fear with this thought, and so I was having a hard time. Once I discovered the truth—I cast out the unloving spirit and confessed the sins that came along with it, I knew something changed in me. I now have power over that thought and it will not torment me any more. And, if the thought tries to come to my mind—I can now laugh at it and not make it my own. That is true freedom. That is "Kingdom Living".
I have since been freed from that thought, as a matter of fact, when the thought tried to come back, it couldn't take root in my thoughts or heart. It didn't have a leg to stand on in me any longer. It’s just a thought now, it’s not mine, and I am no longer one with it. I am free! I recognized where the thought came from, cast out that spirit that was behind it, and now live in freedom from it.
If you need help in this area of your thoughts, casting down imaginations, etc., ask God to reveal to you what is keeping those thoughts alive. He will tell you if you really want to know. For ministry along these lines, please contact the LAM office and we’ll be happy to assist.
Until next time! Walk with the King and be a blessing.
Photos from an LAM Baptism
Click on the picture to see a larger version
