For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
Abandonment and Rejection
(This session has been updated 10/08)
Abandonment and Rejection are wide spread in America today, and many don't even know they have fallen victim to these. While many others know exactly what this means and have lived with it, yet not really knowing how to get out of it. So for both instances, I believe this segment of teaching is going to help you, just as it did me when God set me free.
It has taken me personally a number of years to come to knowledge about Abandonment and Rejection, and only now seven years later (January 2005) that I am able to really conduct a teaching on it. All of the sessions that I provide on this website, and all of the teachings I do in ministry is done after I've seen these principles become real in my own life. That gives me a deeper understanding of the issue so that I can teach with conviction and hope to the hearer.
Let me start with the reason I teach on these two together. I put Abandonment and Rejection together because I realized that they both work hand-in-hand. Many years (the past seven) I've been dealing with rejection. I knew I was feeling rejection almost every day. I tried not to feel rejected, I've been ministered on the lines of rejection, and I even thought I was completely free, then to only realize I wasn't. You know what I mean, something would happen, and I would "feel" that pain of rejection again only to have to start over figuring out what my deal is. I don't need to "figure it out" any longer.
This is where I am today, I don't need to "try" anymore to be free, I am. That is why I feel I can teach on this subject with some clarity and truth. I had to stop working so hard on rejection, because I was just going around in circles. I had to first deal with abandonment.
Let's first look up the words in the Webster's Dictionary:
Abandonment: From the word Abandon which means: To forsake entirely; as to abandon a hopeless enterprise. To renounce and forsake; to leave with a view never to return; to desert as lost or desperate. (Synonyms: desert, forsake,leave, quit, forego, give up, take leave of. Evacuate) Abandonment then means: "A total desertion; the state of being forsaken."
Rejection: From the word Reject which means: To throw away as anything uselessness or vile; to cast off, to refuse to grant, to refuse to accept. Rejection then means: The act of throwing away, the act of casting off or forsaking, refusal to accept or grant.
From these definitions, can you identify which one you have? Which one seems to be stronger in your life?
Let's go a little deeper on this subject. I'll use my life as an example, since I had to see my own issues first in order to be healed.
Below lists some manifestations of when someone has been abandoned somewhere in life. Take a moment to reflect on each and every one of these. Remember, the first step to healing is to "recognize."
Here are some high tell signs that you have the "spirit of abandonment" in your life:
- Being ignored by someone you love
- Left alone, no one to help, especially by those whom should love you
- Having to take care of yourself
- Not able to trust anyone, including God
- Thoughts of having been left alone by God
- Having been left by a parent or guardian
- Having been adopted
- Having been made fun of by peers, children, family members
- Having been left to fin for yourself by friends, co-workers, and those of authority
- Having been a scape-goat
Here are some high tell signs that you have the "spirit of rejection" in your life:
- Feeling that you don't belong
- Feelings of unworthiness and no value
- Feelings of uselessness
- Feelings of not being loved and accepted
- Feeling that you aren't important, nor your needs
- Feeling that no matter what you do, it's not good enough
- Fear of man
- Driven to perform to be loved
The differences are clear. The Abandonment is an "act" the rejection is the "feeling" or "response" to the act.
This is not a complete list, because I'm sure you can add to the list based on your own experiences, but these are the areas I had problems with in my life. And let me tell you that as long as these are inside a person, the very opposite of what we desire will happen.
You may wonder why no one likes you, or it's hard for you to make friends, it is more than likely that your own feelings of rejection are rejecting them! Your own feelings of abandonment, causes them not to want to come into a relationship with you. After all, if we don't come into a good relationship with ourselves, how can we expect others to?
I've heard so many people say, "But I'm a good person." Yet there is so much havoc in their lives. This person is self-deceived because we have to be a "good person" to ourselves first before we can be to others. But let's take a quick peek at what God says about being a "good" person.
There is non-good, no not one. Even Jesus said, "Why call me good. There is only one that is good and that is God." So in reality, when someone says, "But I'm a good person" they are self-deceived and the truth is not in them. Once we realize that we are all in this together, that we all have frailties and weaknesses, that we still have a long way to go in our Christian life, then we have a good chance at getting where we want to be.
Jesus did hear the words so important to us too, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased." God did not say, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased "because" he is good."
We are loved first and foremost in spite of ourselves. We must get that truth in our heart so that we don't have the need or driven ness to perform for love and acceptance. It will never be "good" enough. Never. But the miracle of God's love is that he loves us anyway! That pushes through all the sacred cows and wrongful teachings of our youth to see a truth that sets us free! So we can simply "be" ourselves without fear of rejection.
Until we understand this truth, that God has not abandoned us, never did, never will, we'll stay in a state of fear and feelings of rejection.
I know, many of you are saying, "But you don't know what I've done, or where I've been, or what I've said." True, so let me ask you a question. Are you a believer? Do you believe that Jesus died for your sins? Have you received Him as your Savior? If you have, then you are righteous. I didn't say "good", I said righteous. Be sure you have those two words defined clearly because they are different, and mean different things. We get the "good" mixed up thinking in order to be righteous we have to be good! Don't make that mistake again!
The only requirement for you to get God's approval and seal on your life is to believe. The Holy Spirit "seals" us until the day of redemption. So, then why are we so messed up still? Because we never really "received" the full pardon for ALL our sins in our own thinking. We haven't really taken that "one or two" things that we did to God yet by coming before Him, and we really didn't "believe" He could forgive that "one" thing. So even though we believed God to save us, to forgive us of some of our sins, we haven't been able to really believe God to forgive us of ALL our sins. I've taught on much of this in the sessions on the web, so be sure to go over them if you are uncertain of your stand with your Heavenly Father as His son or daughter.
Ok, back to the Abandonment and Rejection issue.
I'm going to teach you by sharing my story. For many years I have had the feelings as I listed previously. I knew I had rejection, but it wasn't until much later that I realized I had abandonment. I thought about it and thought about it, I asked God, "Where did this all start?" Because if you know anything about ministry, we need to identify the "door points" which means to identify when this started in our lives. So of course, it all went back to childhood. That's where I got my first experience with rejection. I write about this in my book "A Matter of the Mind" where a Sunday school teacher made fun of me in class in front of all the other kids. From that point on, I lived under that "fear of rejection" for the rest of my life. But abandonment didn't get exposed until a few years ago. I don't even really recall how that came to pass, all I know is that as you begin facing things in your life, the Lord brings things up that need to be dealt with before going on to the next thing. I knew I had abandonment but I never really understood how to get rid of it. Well, it came. As I began thinking about this incident about the Sunday School teacher, what she really did was abandoned me. The feelings of rejection came after. But I never saw that until now! So of course, the "strong man" of abandonment was hidden behind the "feelings" of rejection, and that's why up until now I've struggled in that area. The 'spirit of abandonment' thought he had a home in my life for good. But He was wrong.
Then as I though more on this, I had realized that I was abandoned by my earthly father. I knew this was it because after listening to Pastor Henry's tapes on "The Father's Love" (Pleasant Valley Church, Thomaston Georgia) it came to me. You have to realize that I've listened to his teaching tape, and even heard this teaching in person over and over, however, it wasn't until "now" that the revelation came that changed my life. (You then ask, why now? - I'll tell you - because I wasn't at the point of being ready to receive the truth. There were other areas in my life that had to be healed before I could be healed from abandonment.) God does things in order.
Here's my story: Pastor Henry Wright was ministering the father's love to every person, one at a time in the meeting that was being recorded on the teaching tape. One phrase stuck out like it never did before and I said, "that's it!" See, he tells each person the same thing, because each person needed to hear it for themselves, and directed to them specifically. He would say this:
I want to take responsibility for your earthly father. I want you to forgive me for not telling you I love you. I want you to forgive me for being silent to you. BINGO! I stopped there and something happened inside me. What was revealed is that the result of my father not talking to me or paying attention to me, was that I felt ignored.
I heard those words for the first time in a way I never heard before. And then Pastor Wright said the following:
I don't know why your father couldn't tell you or wouldn't tell you, but I'm going to take the responsibility now for him and ask you to forgive me. Do you forgive me? Then he would say, "You will hear these words today:
"I love you"
"I'm so proud of you"
"I'm glad you were born"
"You are a good daughter"
These words replaced that void in my life. I had to believe that if my earthly father had a good relationship with me, I would have heard him say these things to me growing up. I had to take these words in for my own and believe that. I had to realize that my father never heard these words spoken to him, so how could he speak them to me? I had to see the truth.
My Father in Heaven is my Father, and He says these words to me as well. "Linda, you are my beloved daughter in whom I am well pleased."
The results of this have been tremendous. I cannot even write down each and every time I have the opportunity to "feel" rejection that it wouldn't come! I wouldn't "feel" any pain. See the feelings of rejection are linked to the fact that we felt we were abandoned, or even truly so. Rejection is a manifestation of the abandonment. Because many are abandoned today, it's not a feeling. It's a fact! Rejection is the manifestation that comes out of being abandoned. That is why I never really saw my freedom from the feelings of rejection; I didn't know I had to be free from abandonment first! (My people perish for lack of knowledge Hos. 4:6)
I'll share one story with you as a direct result of being freed from those spirits. And I want to tell you something. "Whom the Son has set free is free indeed." And I don't believe that only means in the hereafter, it also mean completely now! In some of my teachings, I talk about not "trying" to do this or that. Well when someone is completely free, they don't even have to mess with "trying" any longer because they just do it! I'm living proof that this is true, let me share a testimonial with you.
I was working one afternoon later than usual, and as I left I thought I would stop by someone's office and bid him good night. I began the conversation with him, but much to my surprise he never even turned around to look at me. His back stayed to me the whole time I was standing there. I even asked a question a little louder, thinking he didn't hear me. But to no avail. That was a blatant act of abandonment. Being ignored, right? And guess what, I didn't "feel" any pains of rejection whatsoever. Now the fact that I was abandoned was real. But the spirit was no longer in me to make me "feel" it! That is freedom! And to take it one-step further. The next day when I saw him it was as though he never even rejected me and we just worked together as though it never happened. Now whether he realized it or not was not up to me, that was between him and his maker. My job was to forgive him of his act toward me and go on! Let me tell you that this was HUGE! You may have just experienced it today. Someone ignored you or rejected you and you got a deep pain in your inners. Wouldn't it be nice that no matter what anyone did to you, you wouldn't feel that pain????
Then because I knew what he did was not right, I forgave him. I didn't forgive him to get rid of my pain, I didn't have any, I forgave him because he needed to be forgiven, and that's what God has commanded us to do. Forgiving others is two fold, it not only keeps our relationship right between our Heavenly Father and us, and it keeps relationships restored between others and us as well. (For more information on forgiveness, go back to the teaching on the website.)
Many instances of being ignored and rejected happened all day long for almost a week. One opportunity after another, and I do mean all day long! But I could only laugh because I was free. I wasn't "trying" to not feel rejection any longer, I just simply wasn't'. And I believe because now that I am free, I realize that I've been given rejection opportunities all along, it's just now that I'm free I won't have any part of it. And that spirit is going to go have to find someone else to bug.
Then because of that, I have been able to respond back to a person correctly, not through any pain of rejection (which of course can result in all kinds of wrong responses.) And better yet, WITHOUT FEAR OF MAN! Many of my rejection experiences happen at work. The need to be perfect was out of that fear of being abandoned and rejected. That need to be liked and accepted was out of that fear of being abandoned and rejected. See how it worked in my life? I wonder if it's not true for you, especially if you are still dealing with this.
And the opportunities of being abandoned and rejected don't only happen out there in the workforce, but in our own homes. The devil uses those closest to us, those we love the most to cause us to "feel" rejection because he knows that by causing a separation will keep us in his grasp. This is another testimonial of what happened between my husband and I.
My husband came home from work late one night and I was so happy to see him. I hugged and kissed him and then ran back into the living room to finish watching a movie on TV. Then I ran back to him in a few minutes and did the same thing. This time he kind of backed off and looked at me with eyes that said, "what do you want?' I then said, "I'm glad to see you, I really need you." And then I went to bed.
Now there was a huge opportunity to "feel" rejection. He did in fact reject me, and in times past I would get all hurt and pouty and have to deal with that for hours. But this time it was so different. After he said that, I just went on my merry way, and went to bed. He came to bed and asked me if anything was wrong. I said, no, not at all, why? He said, "no reason." Then we went to sleep.
The next morning was when I realized what took place the night before. We talked about what happened because my husband said something strange happened to him. He actually "felt" rejection! He was surprised because he never feels that. He knew it was a spirit that jumped on him, but from where? I then understood. I couldn't be tempted to "feel" rejection any longer, so the enemy decided to jump on Tom. After Tom realized what happened, he did tell it to go and was set free, but that was a new one on him. He said to me, "So you didn't answer your phone this time?" I laughed because he was right. I didn't allow that feeling to even come through the door of my heart.
Another incident: My husband was planning a trip to be gone for a couple of days, I was alone, but guess what? I wasn't feeling rejected!!! Then something else came to me during the night while I was lying in bed alone. I wasn't in any fear of being alone! Why? Because God was there, he has not abandoned me to myself! God's perfect love cast out all fear. But then to go on to say, that because that spirit of abandonment is gone, I no longer feel fear of being alone either! What a bonus!!!!
Let me tell you a truth. I will continue to be abandoned (ignored) but I can now be abandoned without the pain of rejection. That is freedom! I can't stress it enough how free that is. I no longer carry "what they did" to me everywhere I go. As a matter of fact, I've become more bold and courageous. I am making decisions and doing things at work that I'm no longer fearing the outcome. Because even if the outcome wasn't right, I still couldn't feel rejection!!!! THAT MY FRIEND IS FREEDOM!!!!!!
Ok, let me get down off the clouds and offer a prayer of deliverance for you.
"Father God, you are so wonderful. So loving and kind to your children. Father I ask that each of your children reading this prayer now begin to get a deeper revelation on your love for them. Father, if they have recognized they have been living under the spirits of rejection and abandonment, I pray you give them hope of being free, even today. Help them to see that you have not abandoned them. You have not ignored them. You love them. And you think well of them. Help them to see where their abandonment issues began and who was involved and forgive them. If they have been abandoned by their father or mother, or abandoned by any one else, I pray that this area be filled with you. For you have not abandoned them, you have adopted them to be your own. Help them see that even though they may have been ignored or that their father was silent to them, that they see this and confess this to you, that they confess this pain to you now. And I pray that as they confess this that you heal their broken heart. Let them know that if their father on this earth could have said what they needed to hear, he would have. But since he didn't, that they hear these words from you right now, "I love you, I am proud of you, I am glad you were born, and you are a good son/daughter." Let them be filled with this truth, remove all pain and hurt from their lives and set them free NOW in Jesus name from the spirits of Abandonment and Rejection. I believe you are doing a mighty work specifically for each person reading this. You see each one right now who is seeking you, who wants to know you, who are determined to follow you. Free them Lord so they can go onto other things in their lives with a healthy attitude. In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Something to think about: It took me years to get to this revelation in my life, but it only took seconds for Him to heal me and set me free. Don't blame God by your long journey to health; he is there to instantly heal. The long journey is us getting the truth in our hearts, seeing through things, understanding something's, we need to continue looking inside of ourselves, because I can tell you that God is "quick" in the spirit, and will respond once we have the "truth" revealed to our hearts that helps unlock the door leading to health. Jeremiah 5:25, Isaiah 59:1-2.
Another facet to look at is I Samuel 8:7 "They have not rejected you, they have rejected me." Sometimes we are rejected because of whose we are! That's when we need to pray and forgive all those who reject us, not taking it personally (when you have dealt with the abandonment and rejection issues in your own heart) because the Bible is clear that we will be rejected at times. Jesus was rejected and abandoned, but the thing that kept Him going was the fact that God was there. Yes, in Jesus' case, God did abandon Him to the cross so that we never will be abandoned. Jesus took on that abandonment and rejection so we won't have to. So if your heart is healed in the area of rejection, and you are rejected, forgive, because they aren't rejecting you, they are rejecting God.
Grief (new insight): Something else happens when we are abandoned and rejected. Grief follows! Let me share a story:
I had an experience where I was abandoned by someone I truly loved and cared for. But because of their insecurity in my being able to go off on my own in ministry, they were offended. I never heard from this person again. It was as though they dropped me like a ton of bricks. I tried contacting this person several times without any response. I truly was abandoned! It hurt for several days. But then I worked through this through forgiveness, and I released them. Or... so I thought! But it wasn't over. Yes, I forgave them truly from my heart, and I was becoming very successful in this ministry and helping lots of people, then one day something happened. I began working with another person, who was at one time close to the "first" person, and I began seeing the same patterns. I became fearful of losing this person's friendship and the "old" feelings of abandonment from the first person surfaced. I cried and cried as the pain came to the top. But the second person didn't abandon me. He was open to me, and I spoke my heart about my fear. Of course, we talked things out, he assured me we woud always be friends, and I cast out the fear. However, the pain was still nonetheless because of that first person. Then my friend said something to me that gave me my complete break-through. He said, "You did forgive when it happened, that is for certain, but you were still grieving over the loss of that friendship." Oh my, that was it! I was crying because of the loss. The hurt was there because of the loss of that relationship. Once I saw that, which I was blinded to before, I repented for *ungodly grief and asked the Lord to heal my broken heart. And He did. I was healed, restored, and now have a clean mind and heart twoard the first person, without pain! I truly was made free.
So I realized that even though we recognize we have been abandoned, and that rejection follows, grief also follows. So we need to be sure to address that with the Lord as well so you don't have that issue buried deep inside without you knowing it.
If you need further ministry along the areas of abandonment, rejection and grief, call out to God, He understands and can provide what you need for help now. If He then leads you to contact this ministry, then please do so, we are here to help.
I will remind you at the end of each session to stop and reflect on what you have learned, not rush on to the next teaching before it has had time to really do a work in your heart. All head knowledge is only going to cause you to be top heavy! We need to allow time for the seeds planted to grow and take root into our hearts. We not only need the "knowledge" but the understanding. Understanding gives revelation, and revelation makes it a reality in our own lives. Not just head knowledge, but heart knowledge that changes us. By doing this, you are "receiving." We not only need to "know", we need to "believe and receive."
Praising God is crucial to having all you learn take permanent residence in you. We remain in peace when we are strengthened in our spirit and that happens when we thank the one we are doing all this for.
And lastly, all work and no play is not scriptural. If you become overwhelmed or "heavy" spirited, stop and take a breather. It reminds me of flooding. If the water comes too quickly it doesn't have time to absorb into the soil, causing flooding and all that water is wasted. But if the water comes softly, and just enough that the ground absorbs, then it does great good!
*Ungodly grief is grieving without trusting God. Because grieving is a natural process when we grieve out of loss for that person. But it becomes ungodly when we stay in it for years because we fell into fear, or abandonment, or doubt and unbelief towards God. Because when someone dies or we are separated from someone, we have to believe all things work together for Good. And if we don't we fall into sin that has to be repented of.
To return Back.